


Silence

by cndrow



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Fix-it fic, Fluff and Angst, Internalized Homophobia, Love Confessions, M/M, POV First Person, set during Persona 4 Dancing All Night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-16 23:44:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14175936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cndrow/pseuds/cndrow
Summary: It's been a month since Yuu returned home, and his life has become dull and silent once more.Rise's comeback show is a chance to return sound and colour into his life, along with his best friend.. who has drastically changed in the short time they've been apart.Funny how easily he'd forgotten how hard it can be to face your true self.





	Silence

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tabbicat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tabbicat/gifts).



> Many thanks to my fellow Souyo OTP enthusiast, tabbicat, who is my biggest cheerleader! Without her, I never would've written the two Souyo fics I have!

**_Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute._**  
-Josh Billings

Only a month of old routine had me used to the silence. A month of being home, being ignored, being expected to be quiet and dutiful and the perfect, uncomplaining and uncomplicated son. I hadn’t realised just how depressed I’d become when Rise had called, excitable as ever, inviting me to join her and our friends in her comeback show. No hesitation; I had immediately agreed, and sound had flooded back into my world in the next few weeks. Texting, laughing, singing, falling over each other as we blundered through learning how to dance. The girl’s giggling behind me, Kanji’s loud exclamations, Teddie’s endearing whines. The soft beat of music when I’d stand next to Yosuke, token headphones perched around his slender neck. This was what true happiness was; what life was worth living for.

I glanced over, smiling at my friend leaning against the wall as the train rocked and creaked. We were exhausted after today’s practise, but every evening since my friends had come to the city, Yosuke and I had chatted incessantly on the way back to my parent’s house. Only a month apart and there was so much to say, so much to share and joke about, and I had practically begged Yosuke to stay over with me, instead of a hotel. Such a relief it seemed like we could pick things up right where we left them, as if the last month apart had never happened.

…Until tonight, at least. Yosuke was strangely silent, avoiding my gaze, arms and legs crossed, his headphones resting quietly around his neck.

“Tired?” I nudged him in the ribs, and to my surprise he started violently.

“What?!”

“You’re quiet,” I replied, smiling at his flustered look. “Did Rise work you hard today?”

“Oh. No.” Yosuke’s gaze dropped, sliding to the side, and I felt myself frown. “I got a lot on my mind, s’all.”

“Oh? Care to-,”

The announcer crackled overhead, signaling our stop, and I stood and reached down to pull Yosuke to his feet. A few years ago, I had read people tended to grab whatever you offered them, and I had shamelessly abused this knowledge to feel Yosuke’s hands on mine, however brief it was. Predictably, he gripped my hand and followed me onto the platform, stifling a yawn.

“St- Stop that,” I stuttered, failing to swallow down an answering yawn. “I don’t think I’ll be up long enough tonight to finish that movie we started yesterday. Sorry. Might turn in early.”

“Yeah, same here.”

“Let’s save it for tomorrow, I was thinking of cooking curry. We could make it a proper movie night.”

“Sounds good. Curry?! What kind?”

I opened my mouth to reply when the words died on my tongue. There was a sudden pressure on my palm and I realised with a start we had left the station and Yosuke’s fingers were still wrapped in mine. _Shit_. “Oh, sorry,” I murmured, loosening my grip, disheartened when Yosuke snatched his hand away immediately. “Habit. Nanako.”

“It’s fine,” Yosuke said quickly, and I huffed an embarrassed laugh. “It’s fine,” he repeated, and I glanced over at him. He shrugged.

What did that mean? “Yosuke, are you alright?”

Yosuke’s expression twisted, nose crinkling in the most adorable manner. “I know you wanna sleep soon, but could- could we talk first?”

“Of course.” I worried over the serious tone to his voice, but I couldn’t hide how happy the request made me. Any time spent with Yosuke never failed to lift my spirits. “Let’s get home and shower, then I’m all yours.” _Phrasing, Yuu. Damn._

Yosuke made an incoherent noise, but said nothing else on the walk back. The drive was still empty; my parents were likely not going to return home for another day or three, and a surge of anger threatened to choke me. How dare they force me to leave my family and friends, only to leave town a few weeks after I’m home?

They still didn’t care about me, and it still hurt so much.

Yosuke won the coin toss for the first shower, and I decided to use that time to calm down. There were few dishes in the sink, easily washed and dried in a moment. The neighborhood cat was yowling at the back door; I laughed as I dug out the tin of tuna I’d picked up last week and set it out for him, playfully mimicking his pleased noises as he inhaled the food. I wanted a cat of my own, but as I was planning on moving to Inaba the literal second I could, I wasn’t sure if a cat would make the trip easily.

“Why am I not surprised,” Yosuke laughed from the doorway, gesturing at the cat. “I couldn’t find you anywhere. Shower’s yours now.”

“Thanks. Bye for now, kitty.” I gave the cat one more long pat down his back, then straightened and followed Yosuke back into the house. “I won’t be long. There’s leftovers if you’re hungry.”

“Oh, right, yeah. Don’t mind if I do!”

The earlier tension seemed gone as I smiled back at Yosuke’s eager grin. I made the shower extra hot, standing still under the stream, breathing the steam in deeply. I ached more than I thought I would; dancing was not unlike fighting, but inspired an entirely different type of adrenaline and control. How did Rise do this for a living _and_ still have all that energy left over…?

I found Yosuke at the kotatsu- I needed to put that away for Spring- stuffing his face with the last of the gyoza. I grabbed one from his plate, ignoring his protests. A small groan escaped as I settled across from him, reaching down to rub at one of my sore ankles. “Feeling better?”

Apparently that was the exact wrong thing to say; immediately Yosuke’s cheery expression fell as he swallowed, his gaze slipping away from mine. I frowned. “Yosuke?” I prompted. “What’s wrong?”

He gave a big sigh, shoulders slumping as he hunched. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking this past month and I- I need to ask you something.”

“Oh. Of course, Yosuke, anything.”

Silence again, like back on the train, and I shifted uncomfortably. Yosuke still wasn’t looking at me.

“We’re partners, aren’t we?”

The absurdity of the question had me stifling a laugh. “Of course we are!”

“We’re equals?” Yosuke finally looked up, his expression almost angry. “Equal partners?”

“Yes, of course,” I replied, slowly, carefully. “You know that. Why would you ask-?”

“Because,” he interrupted, “there’s this thing you do, you’ve always done. We’ll be laughing or joking around and you’ll look like you’re gonna say something and just.. stop. You get this look on your face and change the subject, or just don’t say anything else. You did it again today.”

“I did?” I rubbed at my neck, straining to remember. It had been a typical day for us; Yosuke and Teddie arguing, Kanji blushing as he cheered Naoto on, Rise as her bubbly self, Chie and Yukiko giggling and high-fiving each other. Yosuke had danced particularly well today, and I had actually missed a few steps because I’d been paying too close attention to the sweat on his neck, the way his feet and legs moved to the beat, the peek of his fingertips through his fashionably cut-off gloves-

_Don’t go there._

“See? You’re doing it right now,” Yosuke muttered.

 _Shit._ I sighed quietly, massaging my neck harder to ease my embarrassment. “It’s nothing important, Yosuke. I don’t say everything that comes to mind.. you know I internalise a lot more than you do.”

“And you’re changing the subject,” he accused, pointing at me from across the table. “What is it? If it was once or twice, yeah, okay, I buy it. But this happens all the time. What is it you won’t tell me? If it’s not important, then just say it.”

I had remained cool under heavier fire than this before. Tonight was no different. “I know it doesn’t seem like it, but I get hit with stray thoughts often. It’s hard for me to keep up with my brain sometimes. Out of context, blurting what I’m thinking when it’s five times removed from the situation would make me appear pretty crazy.”

Yosuke made a frustrated noise, his hand on the table curling into a fist- and didn’t that bring back memories, watching his knuckles swing into view, connecting with my jaw and flattening me on the ground. I couldn’t resist a smile.

“So you aren’t gonna tell me what it is,” Yosuke snapped.

“It’s nothing to get upset over,” I chided gently. “I just told you-,”

“You don’t trust me, is that it?”

I sat up straighter, my brow aching from frowning. “No! Yosuke, I trust you with my _life_.”

“Then you don’t think we’re really equals?” Yosuke continued stubbornly, and I could feel a prickle of anger crawl up my spine.

“I absolutely do, Yosuke.”

Another strained silence. I rarely felt the urge to fill the quiet with words; that urge was trying to choke me right now. I had loosely formulated another reprimand when Yosuke dropped the verbal bomb of the conversation.

“Is it because I’m a homophobe?”

My jaw sat slack, eyes wide, stunned into silence. Yosuke briefly met my gaze, looking sullen and defensive, and a hundred questions raced to be first out of my mouth, causing me to stutter. “What- Where did you- Did someone say-?!”

“Kanji,” he sighed, leaning forward to rest his chin on his crossed arms.

“Kanji,” I repeated dully, a knot of fear tangling in my stomach. Kanji, who I had talked to in private before I left, who had held me through my confession, wiping the tears that wouldn’t stop as I cried for a relationship I could never have with my best friend. That Kanji.

“He sat me down a few days after you left,” Yosuke muttered. “Reminded me of all the shitty things I’d said to him and about him since he joined the team and exactly why it was wrong to say those things. Called me a homophobe. Told me I could think whatever I want, but to never say shit like that again in front of him.” Yosuke swiped an arm over his face, mussing his damp hair. “I was so angry, Yuu. I was literally seeing red. I almost took a swing at him. The only reason I didn’t was I knew he could beat my ass to a pulp.”

“I…” I still couldn’t figure out what to say first. On the one hand, I wanted to be honest with my friend. On the other was the old, comfortable fear of losing literally the best thing that had ever happened to me. But we were partners, and I owed him- and Kanji- the truth. “I... Well.. He’s not wrong,” I admitted cautiously.

“Oh, I know that now,” Yosuke continued bitterly, waving a hand. “After I calmed down, I thought about it over and over and he’s right. I was acting like he had some Gay Flu that I would catch just by breathing the same air.”

That was startlingly perceptive. “Yeah. I remember.”

“As if being gay is the worst thing imaginable.”

I blinked, surprised by the clarification. The fact that Yosuke, of all people, was saying this put me on edge. It was strange, as if the words didn’t belong in his mouth. Yosuke’s hands balled into fists again and he straightened, staring me down. He was vibrating, biting his lower lip, and I felt a shiver of fear tingle up my spine.

“You’re gay, aren’t you?”

And then my stomach lurched. I tasted bile, grimacing as I swallowed it back. Before I could think, my hands slammed on the table and I was standing, anger and fear forcing my knees to shake. “Just what all did Kanji tell you?” I demanded loudly.

Yosuke flailed, scooting backwards, hands raised defensively. In the sudden quiet, the echo of my words rang in my ears, my heart thudding against my rib cage like it was fighting to be free. _Oh god, this is it. This is the moment I’ve been waiting for, the moment I lose my best friend._ Slowly I lowered myself, sitting clumsily, folding my hands in my lap and squeezing until my nails dug into flesh.

“I’m sorry.” It was hard to speak while clenching my jaw. “I didn’t mean to yell at you.”

“Shit, man!” Yosuke adjusted himself, staying a few inches back from the kotatsu. “I keep forgetting how scary you are when you’re pissed. I- I didn’t mean to make you mad.” He fidgeted, then glanced up. “But Kanji didn’t say anything. I kinda put it all together.”

“Oh.” Goddamnit, if I had just kept my mouth shut-!

“You told Kanji?”

I hesitated. Answering with anything but a vehement denial of myself would be an admission of guilt. I had precious seconds to attempt to recover and.. lie. Could I do that? Outright lie to my partner? A lie of omission was so much easier.

Even if he wouldn’t be for much longer, Yosuke was still my partner. I always owed him the truth. My hands shook.

“No,” I replied, pleased with how steady my voice was. “He guessed on his own shortly after he joined us, and I didn’t deny it.”

Yosuke stared at the table, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. I inhaled shakily, trying to reign in my racing heart, fighting the urge to get up and run out of the house.

“Guess I shoulda put it together,” Yosuke mumbled. “I mean, thinking back, you weren’t all that subtle about not liking girls. Not even Rise, and she-,” his shoulders stiffened, “-she was always hanging off you like she owned you.”

I shrugged. “I made sure she knew I wasn’t interested in her like that, but I like being touched. It’s nice. And it made her happy.”

Yosuke’s head snapped up in surprise. “She knew you were.. were..?”

“Gay?” I finished for him, biting back a wave of annoyance. “Yes.”

“Geez.” Yosuke huffed loudly. “Did _everybody_ know but me?”

I nodded, and he gaped at me.

“Are you serious? Everybody knows?!”

I scrubbed stray hair out of my eyes, nodding again. “Naoto guessed on her own too. I told Chie when she told me she might be in love with her best friend, and she told Yukiko.”

“Teddie?”  Yosuke prompted weakly.

That cut through my emotions, a small happy memory making me smile. “Yes, I told Teddie. Why do you think he’s always joking about me scoring with hot guys?”

“I thought it was a real joke!”

“Well, it is.”

“I mean-!”

“And I told my uncle before I left,” I added. Once I started, I felt compelled to tell him everything. “Nanako overheard us, which wasn’t my intention, but she was thrilled to find out boys could like boys and girls could like girls.” Another smile. “My uncle was pretty shocked, but in the end he just told me boys can break hearts as easily as girls and to be careful with mine.”

I fell silent and Yosuke continued to stare at the table. Relief was fighting regret in my stomach, making it sour the longer we sat there. I was still in shock, terrified and elated we were finally having this conversation. I didn’t know how to feel about it.

“I’m a real shitty friend, I know.” Yosuke finally moved, replacing his head on his crossed arms and looking up at me. “What kinda partner am I, if you can’t be yourself around me?”

I could feel a headache coming on. “None of us are perfect,” I said gently. “We all have things we’re scared of, things we don’t understand. Besides, it wasn’t necessary for you to know. It didn’t impact our friendship-,”

“Yeah it did.” Yosuke sat up suddenly. “That’s why you’d stop yourself from saying something, isn’t it? You felt like you couldn’t say what you were thinking ‘cause I might think it was gay.”

I swallowed a lump in my throat. True, it was pretty damn gay to flirt with your guy friend. “Yeah,” I admitted, “but we still managed to have a great friendship regardless.”

Yosuke nodded, but didn’t look convinced. The fear was winning in my gut again, my heartbeat throbbing in my ears, desperation eating at the edge of my consciousness.

“Yosuke, I never let it get in the way of our friendship.” I leaned forward, sadly watching his hands flinch and retract. “I never took advantage of you, or any situation we..”

_Yosuke, laughing, grabbing onto my arm for support. Putting my arm around Yosuke when it was cold. Sitting too close together while we ate lunch on the roof. Yosuke falling asleep on my shoulder. Falling asleep on Yosuke’s shoulder._

“I didn’t,” I said firmly, “I didn’t stare at you or- or-,”

“Dude, I get it.” Yosuke sat back, crossing his arms. “I mean, I- I thought about that when I figured this out, but you’re, like, always a gentleman, so, I’m not worried or anything.”

I sighed in relief, also sitting up and my hands returning to my lap. I stared down at my interlaced fingers, irrationally wishing one was Yosuke’s, who might not mind holding hands now- and I thought about Yosuke’s hand in mine at the train station tonight and gasped softly. Was this why he’d held on so long?

“I get why you didn’t tell me,” Yosuke cut into my thoughts. “Is this why you didn’t call me out on my shitty behavior with Kanji?”

Ouch. Yosuke was hitting all my insecurities in one night. “Y- Yes,” I stuttered. Pressure welled behind my eyes, and I prayed they’d remain dry. “I was a coward, Yosuke, I-,”

“What? No, man, you’re not a coward!”

“I didn’t want you looking at me like you did Kanji!” My voice was raised again, and I took two full breaths to calm down again. Yosuke’s eyes had gotten wide, staring back at me. “I didn’t want to risk losing you as my friend, so I said nothing. I did nothing. I should’ve, but I was afraid.” I rubbed at one of my eyes, alarmed it felt damp. “I did apologise to Kanji for not calling you out, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell you.”

Yosuke got up suddenly, walking around the table and sitting next to me- another surprise that shocked me quiet.

“I’m sorry, man,” Yosuke said softly, brows tilted with worry. “I, uh, I thought about this on the trip here. If you were- were gay, y’know. And it doesn’t really matter, does it? You’re the same guy I’ve always known. I just want you to feel like you can be yourself around me.” He sighed heavily. “That’s how you make _me_ feel, and it’s only fair, y’know?”

The tears were very real and very threatening. I gulped another round of air, trying to control my reaction. “I never, ever thought I’d hear those words out of you,” I managed to say. “Of course it doesn’t have to change anything about us.” I stared him down, suddenly serious, painfully honest. “I would do anything, literally anything, to stay your partner.”

Yosuke’s face scrunched, his nose crinkling. “That.. doesn’t sound very good, for some reason.”

“It’s true.”

“I know, I get it, but..” He frowned. “Sounds like something a Shadow would say. Not you, partner.”

A laugh cut any retort I was planning, and once I started, I couldn’t stop. “No, haha. No, you’re right, Yosuke. It’s just..” I paused, catching his gaze pointedly. “You’re special to me, you know?”

A flush spread up his neck, and it was the most gorgeous thing I’d ever seen. “Geez, you remember that, huh? Well, same for me. I still mean it.”

The flood of relief finally broke my resolve. My vision blurred and I sat back on my knees, ducking my head and wiping at my eyes. To my horror, a small sniffle escaped, and Yosuke immediately sprang forward to grab my arms.

“Oh c’mon, I- I get it, but you don’t have to cry! C’mon, man, it’s okay!”

_He knows. He knows and he’s still here._

I did what I ccould to suppress my reaction, but it’s a few minutes before I straightened and looked him in the eye again. “Thank you,” I said forcefully. “Thank you so much. I’ve been so afraid that you’d find out.”

Yosuke’s smile was wobbly- had he been crying too?- and he nodded once with his trademark wink. “Any more deep, dark secrets you wanna spill while we’re at it? I wanna know everything, partner. I want you to trust me.”

Just like that, my heart seized again in fear, and it must’ve shown on my face because he frowned again. “I’m exhausted,” I admitted truthfully. “I need to let this sink in. I- I need some time.”

“Oh.” His expression fell as he scooted backwards, and I nearly screamed in frustration. “Time alone, or…?”

“Just some time,” I replied smoothly. “This is a lot to take in.”

A small smile crept across his face. “Yeah. Yeah, it took me a while too. I’m pretty tired. Let’s get some sleep.”

I nodded, pushing myself to stand, swallowing a whimper when my knees threatened to give out. My brain was still cycling between _It’s okay now_ and _PANIC!,_ and my body couldn’t decide if it needed to run or collapse.

“Man, you _do_ look exhausted. C’mere.” Yosuke grabbed my arm and slung it around his shoulders, easing some of my weight onto him, and I blinked back another pair of tears. Fortunately he said nothing of it, helping me up the stairs and into one of the futons in my room. The second my head hit the pillow I was gone.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Days of excitement passed as we resolved the Midnight Stage and the tragic story behind it. Everyone surprised me with their maturity, working and dancing together as if we’d never been apart. They may’ve still looked to me to lead, but I could see how each one was branching out, becoming more independent and assured. Even Teddie, arguably the ‘youngest’ of us, not only pulled his weight but did an incredible job of supporting everyone.

And within that comfortable dynamic, Yosuke and I remained as close as we always had been. His music and laughter filled my ears every day, and the evenings were spent joking and teasing in front of a bad movie or video game. It almost felt like I was back in Inaba, especially as my parents still hadn’t returned from their emergency trip.

But tomorrow Yosuke was going home, and the house was unusually quiet again as I helped him pack. I couldn’t stand thinking about going back to my dull routine, not after having another taste of what truly living was like.

“I don’t wanna go back.”

I started, my shoulder brushing Yosuke’s as I glanced over. We were sitting on my futon, probably wearing mirrored pouts. “I want to go back home with you.”

“Heh.” Yosuke brightened into a smile. “Inaba is your home, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

“You can come anytime.” He scuffed a foot on the floor, looking embarrassed. “I know you know that, but I wanna say it too. I know your uncle would let you stay with him, but if he can’t for some reason, you can stay with me! Or Kanji, or Yukiko, or- or anyone, I’m sure.”

“Anytime I can, I’ll be down there,” I promised. I patted his knee and he placed a hand over mine, squeezing it. A knot of tension in my stomach eased.

“So, uh..” At this proximity, I could see Yosuke’s face was flushed softly. “I know I kinda forced a confession outta you when I first got up here, and, uhm, I’m sorry it was so rough. I was being selfish again, I was so mad there was stuff you wouldn’t talk about with me, and I was mad at myself for causing it and I wanted to _make_ you tell me. I didn’t really think about how it’d make you feel at the time.”

How remarkably mature. I laughed, delighted. “It’s fine. I think that worked out for the best, honestly. Like ripping off a bandaid.”

“Yeah.” Yosuke rubbed at his neck with his free hand. “So, I’m not, uh, trying to do that again, but, like, is there anything else you wanna tell me before I leave..?”

I stared back at his earnest gaze, confused by his sudden shyness. The old fear nagged at the back of my mind, warning against speaking honestly, bracing for the inevitable rejection.

I must’ve taken too long to respond, as Yosuke squeezed my hand again and spoke up. His face was definitely red now. “It’s just- Well- Y’know how in the Midnight Stage, our dancing was, uh, more expressive?”

“Yes?” I tilted my head. “What about it?”

“W- Well, that last dance…” Yosuke trailed off, his eyes pleading, but I didn’t understand.

“What about it?”

“The one where I joined in with you?” Yosuke prompted, sounding desperate.

“Yes?” I drawled, even more confused.

“M- Maybe you didn’t notice, but I could feel what you were trying, uh, to say. At least, I- I think so. I think I got it.”

I twisted on the futon, fully facing him, raising an eyebrow. All I had ever done when dancing was showing the Shadows how much my friends meant to me; what a true bond of friendship felt like. “And what do you think I was trying to say?”

Yosuke rubbed the back of his head again, chuckling nervously. “I might be reading too much into it, but, uhm.”

The silence stretched. The fear swelled. Yosuke looked like he was drowning.

“Doyoulikeme?”

It took me a second to pick apart Yosuke’s question; my heart stopped as my face reddened to match his. I forced out a long, slow breath. “What?” I asked mildly. “Of course I do.”

Yosuke’s eyes narrowed. Shit, I wasn’t getting away with the casual act. He grabbed my pillow and threw it in my face and I choked, trying to remain upright as I shoved it away.

“Do you like me as a guy!” Yosuke practically yelled, grabbing the pillow so hard his knuckles turned white. “You kept _looking_ at me and- and that way you kept smiling at me and I could feel- I just thought- I thought you were trying to tell me without telling me!”

Unfortunately, Yosuke wasn’t far off the mark. I loved each of my friends, but Yosuke truly was special; I had fueled much of my dancing with the thought of Yosuke’s messily styled hair, his long, lithe fingers twirling a dagger, the liquid sunshine contained in his voice. I had accidentally telegraphed how much I loved his every little detail.

Surely, this time, this revelation would send him running. My stomach twisted.

“C’mon man, it’s just me,” Yosuke whispered. He wouldn’t quite meet my gaze, but he was obviously waiting for my reply.

A frisson of fear crawled up my neck, and I choked back the denial. If I couldn’t trust him now, when would I let myself? I was so, so tired of this last wall between us. If I was going to answer honestly, I might as well give the whole spiel.

“When I got to Inaba, I knew I wasn’t going to make friends,” I said slowly, staring down at the reclaimed pillow in my lap. “In fact, I was determined to not get to know anyone. Why get involved when I’ll just be moving yet again? I’ve done this so many times, I’m used to it.”

Yosuke sighed. I continued before he could speak up.

“But this idiot kept crashing his bike,” I said, holding back a laugh. “I kept walking past him. _‘Don’t get involved,’_ I told myself every time. _‘It’s not my problem.’_ ”

Yosuke chuckled, covering his mouth with a hand.

“I couldn’t help it, though. He was just too pitiful, flailing and screaming for help-,”

“Okay, okay, I get it!”

“-And so I helped him up one morning. He had gum wrappers in his hair and his clothes were stained and he smelled _horrible_ -,”

“OKAY!”

“-And he gave me this huge smile and his eyes lit up like the sun and…” I glanced to the side, shrugging. “That was it.”

Yosuke’s eyes narrowed. “That was what?”

“Love at first sight.”

“Oh come on!” The pillow was shoved back in my face, and I yelped as I swatted it away. “You say the dumbest shit sometimes! Are you serious?!”

“Dead serious.” I waited until Yosuke looked up. “I wasn’t completely sure at first; I’ve had crushes before, so I was waiting for the new rush to drop off into nothing. They’ve always gone away before. But, Yosuke, I promise…” I took a deep breath to steady myself. This next comment was vital to the survival of our friendship. “I was able to completely separate those feelings from being your partner. Like I said before, I didn’t take advantage of our friendship. It’s never been a problem, and it isn’t one now. Right?”

“I dunno,” Yosuke mumbled, and the bottom of my stomach dropped.

“It isn’t,” I repeated firmly. “I meant what I told you, I would never do anything to jepordise our friendship.”

“Even denying who you are,” Yosuke muttered darkly. “And I told you, that sounds like something your Shadow would say.”

I paused; this time I understood what he meant. “I.. suppose that’s true.”

Yosuke huffed, drawing his knees up and resting his chin on them. He glared at me from his perch, face still flushed. The conversation naturally drifted quiet, and eventually I had to break eye contact and straighten my back, smoothing down my clothes. My hands were still shaking slightly.

So that was it. Yosuke knew I was gay. Yosuke knew I liked him. And yet Yosuke was still sitting so close our legs were touching, and he didn’t look disgusted. It was quite possible our friendship would survive this. I released a breath I hadn’t known I was holding. The fear loosened it’s deathgrip on my heart.

“Well.” Yosuke coughed loudly. “Well, uh. I just wanted to know before I left.”

“I understand.” My voice was perfectly steady. Gold star for me.

“I- I liked how that felt, when you were dancing,” Yosuke added in a rush. His head dropped to his knees, hiding his face, muffling his voice. “I liked thinking it meant you liked me like that.”

Hope, bright and warm and oh so painful, spread across my chest. _No. No I can’t be this lucky._

When Yosuke didn’t say anything further, I scooted closer and draped across his hunched shoulders. He squeaked, but didn’t pull away. This close I could smell the mint shampoo in his hair, the faint scent of the salt taffy we ate after dinner. His neck was within reach of my mouth and I had to physically restrain myself from pressing my lips just below his jaw. Instead, I opted for placing my mouth next to his ear, his dyed hair tickling my nose.

“If you like the idea of me being infatuated with you,” I purred, “then what does that mean?”

“I don’t like guys!” Yosuke said loudly from behind his knees.

Frowning, conflicted, I pulled back- but Yosuke uncurled just enough to follow me, remaining glued to my chest.

“I don’t like guys,” he repeated sullenly, “I just like you. Just you, okay?!”

This boy was going to give me a heart attack. “You like me as a guy, though?”

“Myith.”

“What?” I laughed, thrilled, tugging on his hair, trying to lift Yosuke’s head up. “You gotta speak up, partner, I can’t-,”

Yosuke, red-faced, scowling, chose that moment to unfold himself and throw his arms around my neck. He was practically in my lap now, and I reflexively gripped his shoulders to hold him steady. “Shut up,” he hissed, glaring into my eyes mere inches from his. “You know what I said!”

 _Oh_. That tone did things to my brain and my groin. “I honestly didn’t understand you.”

I could see Yosuke grinding his teeth together for a few seconds before answering. “I said yes!”

“Yes, what?” I grinned. I was so giddy I felt light-headed.

“Hell-!”

And in the greatest surprise yet, Yosuke closed the short distance between us and clumsily pressed his lips to mine. I immediately shivered at the contact; I watched his eyes slip closed as we chased what felt good, better, best. My mind fractured into a thousand words of praise, desperate to finally be allowed to worship the sweet, warm body pressed close. Yosuke’s arms tightened around me, forcing the kiss deeper, and my heart nearly stopped when I opened my mouth and tasted that full bottom lip he liked to chew on so often. When his tongue hesitantly met mine, the electric shock made me whimper.

Slowly it registered that my lungs were screaming, and I had to pull back, panting. He seemed to be similarly struggling for air, cheeks flushed and eyes wide, hair hopelessly mussed.

We stared at each other for what felt like a solid minute, and then, simultaneously, we both broke into peals of laughter. This last wave of relief was pure and sweet, making my entire body tingle as we held each other through the giggling.

I reached up, pulling a strand of hair out of his eyes, and his breath hitched. “I’ve loved you for a long time,” I whispered, “and I think I always will. But you don’t have to do any of this, Yosuke, I would be happy just-,”

“Stop it,” he snapped, and I froze at the venom in his voice. “You’re always so self-sacrificing, sometimes it gets really irritating.”

I didn’t know what to say to that, so I simply nodded.

“You really think I’d be here if I was just doing it to please you?”

“Well. You might want to try a new experience,” I said carefully.

“No, no, and no,” Yosuke snorted. “No way, man. I.. I want...” He rocked back, staring up at me, his burst of confidence waning. That desperate, unsure look on his face was quickly becoming endearing rather than terrifying. “I want more of this because I.. I...”

I opened my mouth, but he slapped a hand over it.

“Don’t! I should say it.” He huffed loudly. “I like you, okay? I like you like _that_. I- I’m pretty sure. I mean, I’m a lot more sure after wh- what we just did.”

I smirked, kissing his palm still pressed to my mouth, and to my surprise he shivered instead of pulling away. I reached up and held his hand gently, sliding more kisses down toward his wrist, and I could feel him melting into my lap.

“See? That’s- That’s just wrong, you’re _evil_ , st- stop doing that, I can’t think!”

“I’m sorry,” I snickered. I wasn’t sorry in the least. “Please, continue.”

“I was so scared, partner.”

That got me to straighten, teasing set aside. “You? Why?”

“I easily could’ve screwed this up too, y’know,” Yosuke said nervously. “Even if you liked me, I’ve been a real asshat. I don’t think a homophobe would make a good boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend?” I asked brightly, heart skipping a few beats. “Will you be my boyfriend, Yosuke?”

“Idiot! You can’t just- just say it like that! Aren’t you listening?”

I leaned in, kissing the tip of his nose, and he sneezed in my face. Nice. “I’m serious. I don’t care about all that. I care about now, what we can do and who we are now.”

Yosuke hesitated. “Even knowing how big of an asshole I can be?”

“And you, would you consider dating me, even knowing how I wrap up my sense of self-worth in others, and try to fit to their expectations at the expense of being true to myself?”

“Well, yeah,” Yosuke nodded seriously. “I help you not get lost in that big brain of yours, right?”

I beamed at him, hugging him close again. “And don’t I help keep your assholery in check?”

“Yeah…” Another nervous chuckle. “But if we do this, it’ll have to be long distance, y’know.”

“Not for forever.” I dove forward, burying my face against that slender expanse of neck I’ve been dreaming of for a year. It was as warm and smooth as I’d ever imagined. “It may be hard at first, but it’s worth it. You’re worth it.”

“S- So we’re doing this.” Yosuke shivered in my hold. “D- Dating. Boyfriends.”

“Oh hell yes. Please.”

“I can’t believe I’m saying this,” Yosuke groaned, dropping his head onto my shoulder, his fingers tangled in my hair again. “I can’t believe.. I…”

“It’s a big turn-around for just one month,” I offered, sitting back and smiling. “So let’s take it slow, okay? We can keep it to ourselves for now. Feel each other out. Try things together. Talk about stuff. Feelings. Y’know, like girls.”

Yosuke swatted at my ear, and I laughed. “You’re gonna kill me one of these days!”

“You’re one to talk,” I murmured, reaching up to lightly place a hand to his neck, my thumb stretched to rub at his collarbone. His eyes widened, pupils full and dark. “Sometimes all I have to do is just look at you and I think I’m going to explode.”

Yosuke sputtered, and I patiently waited to see if I could discern a sentence. He gave up fairly quickly and grabbed my hair instead, yanking me forward for another awkward, satisfying kiss. If this was his answer to being speechless, I was prepared to tease him for the entire night.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
_Three Weeks Later_

Before I’d gotten comfortable on the concrete wall, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I’d stolen up to the school roof for lunch, bitter I was alone but more than happy to spend the break texting my friends while I ate. Being on the roof felt like I was closer to them. So many great memories of sharing lunches.

And like most days, Yosuke beat me to texting first. I grinned as I opened the message, scanning the terrible shorthand quickly.

Yosuke 11.24  
>> _i miss u ptner_

I glanced at the bento I’d packed for myself that morning, and I could feel my smile sharpen with evil intent.

Sent 11.25 _  
>Do you miss me, or do you miss my cooking?_

Yosuke 11.25  
_> >BOTH!!_  
>> _srsly yukiko tried 2 giv me lunch 2day an i almst D I E D_

Sent 11.25  
_> I miss you too, Yosuke. I can’t tell you how much._

A moment of typing, and I could picture him backspacing, typing, erasing, typing. Yosuke was still rather shy about affection at times, but in the end, enthusiastically gave back as much as he received. It just took him a bit to warm up to it each time. So adorable.

Yosuke 11.27  
>> _tellm e_  
>> _tell me how much_

To my eternal surprise, Yosuke as a boyfriend was clingy. He fished for compliments almost constantly, even though he blushed furiously when he got them. I figured it soothed some insecurities of his, and I was all too happy to reassure him at any time- especially with how much I loved to tease him. With a satisfied laugh, I began typing.

Sent 11.28  
_> I miss touching you. I miss holding your hand. I miss feeling your arm around my shoulders._  
 _ >I miss the way your skin feels on mine._  
 _ >I miss hearing your music. I miss hearing the way you laugh at my excellent puns._  
 _ >I miss you winking at me. I feel dizzy when you do that._  
  
Yosuke 11.29  
_> >yr jokes r BAD_  
 _ >>RLLY BAD man_  
 _ >>but hell srsly i dnt no tht_  
 _ >>ill wink mor at u_  
  
Sent 11.29  
_> I miss sharing lunch with you. I’m on the school roof now actually, remembering those times._

Yosuke 11.30  
_> >yah same hgflke_

I blinked, staring at my phone. What acronym was that? Have.. good food.. like..?

I was still puzzling it out when another text buzzed, and I burst out laughing immediately.

Yosuke 11.31  
_> >WATS UP ITS CHIE_  
 _ >>U GUYS R SOOOOO ROMANTIC ❤_  
 _ >>U R DORKSSSS HAHAA_  
 _ >>GET A ROOM DORKS!!! ❤❤ _

I had to set my food aside, rubbing my eyes as I doubled over, giggling. Imagining the scene going on behind the text had me wheezing, and I barely noticed my phone was actually ringing a moment later. It was Yosuke.

“Oh my god!” Yosuke didn’t even wait for my ‘hello’. “I am so sorry man, Yukiko snuck up behind me and grabbed my phone! Then she gave it to Chie and I couldn’t get it back!”

“Haha, it’s alright.”

“You’re laughing! Why are you laughing?! I’m gonna die of embarrassment now!”

“Because anything Chie read is anything I’d say in front of her,” I replied calmly, smiling when Yosuke gave a strangled whine. “Seriously, Yosuke, we told everyone a week ago, and none of them were surprised.”

“Yeah, but-!” Yosuke huffed into my ear. “This is- It’s private!”

“I know.” It had taken a while for me to realise Yosuke wasn’t ashamed of us as a couple, he was simply a fairly private person in his personal life. I respected that, even though I would happily tell every stranger on the street I was dating the cute boy walking beside me. “We’ll just have to plot how to get back at them.”

“True…” Yosuke’s voice brightened. “I bet I could get a ton of blackmail material if I stole her phone during class or something!”

“There you go.”

Yosuke chuckled, and we naturally fell silent for a moment. I could hear him breathing lightly on the other end, and I closed my eyes, savouring the sound.

“I miss you,” Yosuke nearly whispered, and I smiled.

“Tell me how much.”

“What? N- Now?”

“Yes, please.”

“I… Uhm.”

I resumed eating while Yosuke muttered and fumbled through trying to form a coherent sentence.

“I guess I- I miss how you make me feel the most,” Yosuke finally sputtered. “I don’t got my life together like you, I don’t have good grades, I don’t know what I want to do with my life, but when I’m with you I feel like I’ve got a future.”

Warmth spread across my chest, my stomach fluttering. “We have a future together, Yosuke. It’ll be whatever we want it to be.”

“I don’t care what we do,” Yosuke added firmly. “I don’t care where we live. I just- I just want to b- be with you and I’ll be happy.”

It was rare- recently, less so- that Yosuke would say something that left me speechless. In these moments I was reminded of just how stupidly lucky I was, how lucky _we_ were. I must’ve been quiet for too long, because-

“Partner?”

“Yes,” I smiled. “Hearing that from you.. It makes me so happy. That’s exactly how I feel, too.”

“Oh- Well- Yeah.”

I could hear him crunching something, and I was reminded of my own food. I hastily downed a few bites, listening to Yosuke chewing.

“I- I miss-,” Yosuke’s voice had dropped to a whisper so low I could barely hear him. “I want to kiss you again.”

“Mmm,” I hummed. “Yes. I want to kiss your neck again. You make the best noises by the time I get down to your collarbone-,”

“Geez! Don’t say it so loud!”

“No one’s up here, partner,” I deadpanned.

I could hear Yosuke’s breath hitch, then, “Well-! Well I like it when I pull on your hair, your eyes get all- all wet-looking and you get this dumb smile and you give this little sigh over and over and- and I love it. So there!”

Damn it, but Yosuke had succeeded in making me flush red. “Okay, you got me,” I admitted, rubbing the back of my neck. “I didn’t know that was a thing I liked until you did that.”

“Heh.” Yosuke sounded more confident now. “Just think of all the things we’re gonna learn together.”

“I can’t wait,” I replied honestly. “But I’m happy where we are now.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, there’s no rush.” I could _hear_ him rolling his eyes. “If I hadn’t seen it for myself, I would think you weren’t all that excited to be my boyfriend.”

“It’s my life’s greatest achievement so far,” I nodded. “Solving murder cases the police couldn’t? Defeating a god? Nope. Nothing compares to being your boyfriend.”

It was quiet for a moment, and I frowned. “Yosuke?”

“You’re my life,” Yosuke murmured. “Okay? I’m not good with all these words, but that’s how I feel.”

My chest constricted, emotions threatening to choke off my reply. “I do too, Yosuke.”

It had taken over a year for my world to grow into so many colours and sounds; over a year to completely and fully let someone into my heart and life. I would always find new nuances of myself to face down and accept, but now I had someone who knew all of me, who wasn’t afraid of the darkness I hid from others.

And it didn’t hurt that he was the sexiest dork I’d ever met.

**Author's Note:**

> This is mostly the rough/first draft of this fic; I don't have time to pick through it to edit it to a fine polish. Please accept my apologies for any stilted conversation or mistakes!


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